just do it!

32 | Single Mother | Gym Addict | Loves Food | Adventurous | tramn1982.yelp.com

The old me would pack on as much as I can w/o taking into account that I have my kids and myself to nurture and take care of. Now I am 32 years old and have been a single parent for over 5 years. Patience is not something I possess however, w/ failures and mistakes occurring quite often, I now take the time to let things sink in before I decide to express them. The first class I took on My Learning World [from work] was very useful and I have found a way to evaluate my life, prioritize, and realize that I do a lot of stuff that are important to me but are not urgent.

School is something that I purely enjoy. When I was out of work, I was in school full-time and I dedicated every ounce of time I had towards studying, working out, and volunteering. I miss that but now I have a chance to stimulate my brain and find methods to working towards the professional side of my life. I did stop by Cabrillo College 2 weeks ago but then after looking at my schedule head on, I admitted to myself that this would not be a smart thing to pursue. Perhaps in a year or two but definitely not now. My goals weren’t attainable unless I plan to skip sleep altogether.

I’m also bummed that I will not try out to be a Sharks Ice Girl. I seriously think the idea is stupid but I wanted to show myself that my confidence level is there and that I know I can be a great candidate. I’m no model but I don’t think I look terrible either. I’m still nowhere near my ideal body weight but I work hard to not be obese - I love food so much and yet my taste for that has changed drastically. I no longer yearn for a cupcake. I find myself craving a salad at 9AM. My spare time before was used to look up crazy recipes to try and now all I do is look up different exercise routines and healthy dishes to try and replicate.

My money… what little I have is for my kids. It is very gratifying when I see my kids frolic around in their new piece of clothing or a new pair of shoes. Gavin’s shoes was purely done for. I made it my quest to go to Payless today. I know Payless isn’t about quality but when I saw his face after trying on his pair of “Batmans”, I knew that kids do not care how much a thing is worth but they will count on you w/o knowing that they are counting on you to give them everything they need.

He made my day today and I love him so much. Thanks to him… I am a better person than I ever was. He is on my lap now finishing Despicable Me 2 whilst wearing the new outfit I bought him last week. Back-to-school shopping has started and I don’t care if I don’t/can’t finish by the time he starts his first day of preschool, my duties to provide for both kids will always be on my shoulders until my last breath.

Life is never a straight and clear path. I have obstacles coming at me daily; some are preventable and some happen because of my actions. Regardless. I have a job, healthy kids, and a great roof over my head. Yes, I cannot do a lot of things and I may not have everything but I consider myself extremely lucky and rich.

This past Wednesday I held a backpack drive. Though it wasn’t a huge turnout but I met great folks, saw an old friend I met through Yelp, and what do you know - a $70 tab paid for just because. It was a combined bill to be honest (mine was about $30-$40) but still… the thought and gesture touched me endlessly. I’m blessed w/ a family that shows me tough love because I am that way towards my kids. I want my kids to be tough, not a pansy! I have a great set of managers (I have one that I report to but in theory I have 4 bosses). I have Craig that thinks I am crazy yet supports me in ways I can’t believe sometimes.

A person can have a million friends, lots of financial stability but the fulfillment in life comes from strangers and those that love you unconditionally no matter what. Well, a little bitching and lecturing but unconditional love, nonetheless. Haha.

I’m Tram and I will do better at loving myself. The first thing is to admit that there are certain things I cannot do at the moment: school, pull-ups, monkey bars, long distance running, play hockey, and be an ice girl but I can still give it my all and be the best Tram as can be towards the things that I can do.

If you are wondering, my right hand is heavily scarred so gripping is a huge issue. It fucking hurts. My lungs cannot go long due to smoke inhalation from a million years ago. Blah. Life goes on.

Tram vs Tram

So I decided to take a day off from the gym because I plan to take my plyometrics and body weight routines to our front yard. I have a tire that I had found last week and my intention is to do something w/ it today. By doing this means I had to turn off my alarm and go back to bed. Yet here I am wide awake and regretting that I made a foolish decision by not going to the gym. I have been up since 5:55AM. I simply cannot sleep in, it seems like.

This past week has been overwhelming. As I look at my Yelp profile, I see the countless compliments I have to approve and get back; the thought of it discouraged me. I felt that I am so far behind that there’s no turning back. I had emails to reply to and I had to reach out to some people because I haven’t had the time to do so. Work has been crazy and mentally exhausting enough to skip going to the bathroom. A big sigh of relief came over me when I walked out the door yesterday. There will be questions, requests, and escalations but I will worry about it tonight or tomorrow. That’s what I need. I need a mental vacation.

On top of work I have classes to study for. It is very tough doing anything after work but I’m a firm believer that hard work will eventually pay off. I’m on the right path to learn and grow. I’m grateful that my GM approved me to take our company’s available online resource “school”.

So the past week I have been counting macros. A concept that isn’t new to me but it had me pay attention to the nutritional value of the things I was eating. Before I was just looking at the calories, fat, and carbohydrates but I never tracked it. Still new and scared to hit my goal. Yesterday I was under but not by much. Staying active and being conscientious of my intake should start to shape my outer appearance. My inner state is nothing but confidence, oddly.

I love me.

From IIFYM. 

I am new to macros counting but I am determined to give it a shot. This goal  is very attainable. I seriously stated in the formula that I weighed more than I am. The truth is I don’t want to step on the scale. 

While I have done hardly any cardio, I think I will do that this coming week so that I can give my body a shock. I cannot wait to use ankle weights for the stairs!!! I shall run one day, stairs one day, and maybe the elliptical another day to confuse my body. I am not looking forward to endless cardio but sometimes we realize that when things don’t work, it is clearly time to change. 

Tomorrow is a new day.

I’m ready to train again tomorrow.


I am new to macros counting but I am determined to give it a shot. This goal is very attainable. I seriously stated in the formula that I weighed more than I am. The truth is I don’t want to step on the scale.

While I have done hardly any cardio, I think I will do that this coming week so that I can give my body a shock. I cannot wait to use ankle weights for the stairs!!! I shall run one day, stairs one day, and maybe the elliptical another day to confuse my body. I am not looking forward to endless cardio but sometimes we realize that when things don’t work, it is clearly time to change.

Tomorrow is a new day.

I’m ready to train again tomorrow.

Old Tram vs. New Tram

I used to indulge in sweets just about everyday. During my good week I would eat healthy 4 days straight then reward myself the remainder of the week but since embarking on this journey of health of mine, I realized that eating something decadent wasn’t all that’s cracked up to be.

I haven’t had a funnel cake in a long time. It’s not like I have been eating healthy a long time but going to places that offers funnel cakes like Great America and Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk was a rarity. I caved. I got a coupon for $1 off and went and got the Oreo Funnel Cake. Right after I grabbed my plate, a guy standing nearby asked to share it w/ me. “Get your own, dude” was my response. No offense to anyone but I hate sharing my food. When I sat down I had a feeling that my eye was bigger than my stomach. That wasn’t the case ever before but I guess I have trained my body to only hold so much before I objected to consuming more. I had only half but that was enough to make me feel disgusting and remorseful the whole afternoon.

The protein shake (pictured) was given to me Saturday morning. All I know was that it was delicious and they sell it at Costco. A bulk of 28 cost me $24.99 whereas my Pure Protein that I would buy at Trader Joe’s $1.99 each. Buying in bulk surely is cost efficient in the long run. I never would have imagined buying a case but thanks to knowledgeable friends that are training and drinking this… it made my decision to invest in myself so much easier.

Fit Expo in 6 more days! Woot!!!!

I would pick a protein drink anyway.

Tram + Funnel Cake = No More

To add to my no more consumption list, I have decided to add potato salad to it. So now the list consist of: donuts, potato salad, and funnel cake. Perhaps once I have reached my desired goal, I can reward myself w/ 1,000 calories in a single meal but for now I would rather save my money and go to Espetus for steak, steak, and more steak. After all, steak means protein, right? 😋

So much to do this week. I get to kickoff my project tomorrow and I also need to make an appointment to see a counselor at Cabrillo College. I also need to make a physical appointment because I just signed up for additional life insurance. If I were to drop dead this instant, I need to make sure my kids are fine financially. Thinking about that makes me sad a little but I surely hope I get to see my kids succeed.

Single parenting is hard.


I have been given the opportunity to manage a project. The first on the list that is important to our GM. I am absolutely thrilled. Defining the scope and summarizing the objective wasn’t difficult but I was nervous that my project charter isn’t what my GM desired. He and I met so we edited the document just a tad so I walked out of that meeting unscathed. I cannot wait to present the charter to the stakeholders this coming Monday. My exposure to being a project assistant (VTM / Agistix migration) at my previous employer helped greatly. The issues tracking, the endless cross-functional meetings, and the training that the company invested in me is instilled inside me today. I am forever grateful.


Confidence is what I have now. It was just 3 weeks ago that I started to change how I eat. I became aware that I was doing everything wrong. Every single thing. I started to accept that I have a long way to go but I also acknowledged that I accomplished hella, too. I’m no model. I’m no body builder. I’m not single. I am a mother of 2. I’m a full-time corporate slave. I do the best I can to take advantage of every ounce of “free time” on me. I sacrifice sleep for it though but it is seriously worth it. I feel incredible. I still HATE my scars and I HATE the scar I have due to my cesarians but you know… I am alive, healthy, I have a job, and I have a great roof over my head and for that I need to stop bitching but I am human after all.

Still, I wish I had the body of a 22 year old that has never had kids. I think about that every time I am unhappy w/ what I see. Instead of complaining on and on, I will do something about it. All my chocolates (dark and milk) will be up for grabs. I understand I am obsessed but doing this will make me happy. I am firm on the no sweets and fried foods until the end of July. I love me more than I love sweets. Yes, I do. Another extreme but I like challenges.

Fall 2014 will be starting soon. I will need to meet w/ a counselor in the next week so I can submit my paperwork and to register for my class. I am well aware that my schedule is going to be ridiculously crazy but if I don’t work on bettering my life, who will? I have been given a chance… living in Santa Cruz isn’t ideal but it works now and I am going to juggle and be appreciative of what I have. I am no longer fearing to be at home and I find myself wanting to be at home now. It’s a great feeling.

July is the start of the rest of the year!

Bring it!!!


I have been on every diet known to man. I have worked out at home using a series of Beach Body programs (i.e. Insanity, P90X, Focus T25, and Asylum) not to mention my rigorous gym routines however, though I was smaller in numbers (weight), I was never strong and I was never truly confident. I remember doing hours of cardio on a daily basis. I’d get a kick every time I go over the 1,200 calorie burn. I never ate healthy, I was always on some “diet” and would break it constantly just because I used my cardio to balance my outrageous intake.

It was just a few months ago that I started to learn a thing or two about nutrition. The term “fat free”, “sugar free”, and “diet” seemed to slowly dissipate in my mind. All of these products use chemicals. What I do now is not just a “diet” but a lifestyle change. I’ve always thought that belief is stupid but now I understand that I was ignorant and clueless.

Heavy lifting has taken precedence over my workout regimen. I do cardio once or twice a week now. I focus more on lifting, core, and plyometrics. Soon I will work on my core, strength, and balance w/ TRX and from boxing. Yesterday was the longest time I was at the gym w/o doing any sort of cardio. My routine yesterday has resulted in a destroyed upper body but I must admit that I felt pretty bad ass.

Continuing this journey has made me realize that it is hard to stay on track w/ individuals that do not share the same interests as you. They’ll end up sabotaging your progress in some way or form. I am strong enough to simply walk away from a bakery now and strong enough to fade away from individuals that are toxic to me. Life is never a straight and clear path but w/ the right mindset, you can overcome obstacles and get there.

Always strive.

Weekend Fun

Thanks to my parents for the opportunity of a mini vacation, I got a chance to be where I want to be and see some folks I haven’t seen in ages including making new friends.

After a motivational conversation w/ my best friend, her husband, and a new friend, I have decided to start focusing on my life again. True, I cannot wake up early to workout but I will put every ounce in me once my evening has settled down. I’d like to thank my longtime friend whom I haven’t seen in over 2 years for that self encouragement as well.

This weekend was surely exhausting but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I am sad that it is coming to an end but now it is time to get back to reality.

Training Day #1
- breakfast: 2 hard boiled eggs, no yolk
- lunch: papaya salad
- dinner: protein drink
- 2 mile HIIT
- circuit training (1 min. each, 5 rounds)
- core

I like me.

I love me.

I need to be first (hypothetically after my kids).


I just had to hide my box of cookies from Trader Joe’s. I caught Gavin rummaging through the cupboards and grabbed a hold of one chocolate chip cookie. I am proud of him because he will stop at nothing to get it. I hid it in the back, too.

Also at the bakery earlier for breakfast, he thoroughly enjoyed his spinach croissant; tearing it off piece by piece and then grazing on my baguette since I bought it. I covered it up, hopefully it won’t be too hard to turn it into a meal later but the little nips all came from him.

Things are great on the job front. I am now very challenged and though I get stressed out but I wouldn’t have it any other way. However, my workout routines have suffered heavily. It is work, my commute, personal life, and juggling things in between as a single parent - things are tough. I was feeling very crummy because I didn’t have an outlet to call my own plus my terrible eating habits didn’t help either but 2 people told me this: that I am a working mother, not a body builder. I will trip and fall and will experience success here and there but the bottom line is that I am a single parent so my needs and wants are secondary.

True. Time to stop being so hard on myself. What matters is that I have a promising job to hopefully grow so I can be able to support my kids. What I need to focus on is eating healthier and in moderation regardless of what it may be.

Coming back to AT&T Park from a hiatus was enriching. The ladies that checks the stroller remembers me. It made me feel special. Everything was the way it was; the mayhem, the overpriced junk food, and the music that was playing before every play. Gavin is more aware since the last time I took him. Seeing him watch the game and clap along made me very happy inside. I cannot tell if Tess was happy to be there but I do hope she misses the times I used to take her - just about every week. Weeknights never excluded.

Craig said that the home team or preferred team always loses when he attends the game. I was actually scared and nervous but Vogelsong pitched great and the team pulled through after a terrible loss the night before. We won! 4-1, baby!!

I made a healthy dish to last a few days. I really liked how I feel when I wasn’t eating meat and knew I needed protein, fiber, etc., and etc. so I made a black bean chili. This dish isn’t just filling but it fulfilled my no carbs goal as well. I cannot wait to eat this tomorrow at lunch. I will bring an avocado to top this dish.

Aside from eating healthier to not just slim down but to feel great about myself, I have been craving a Philly cheesesteak forever. I wanted to go to Phat Philly today but got what I didn’t intend which is knocking off a bookmark and indulged in some meat, sweet peppers, jalapeños, and Cheez Whiz. Too bad it was small for the price but I guess that is how ballparks make their money. It was delicious, nonetheless.

I miss San Francisco and was super grateful Craig made it possible to go to the game. It was a little on the hellish side but watching part of the game and getting out of Santa Cruz was the best part. Also, trying Yogurtland’s Red Velvet Batter was great. I don’t splurge on sweets as much as before. I rather have savory now.

I’m different now.

Today means nothing to me other than giving gifts and the likes, also texting a million folks generically, “Happy Mother’s Day”. The simplest things that I seemed to have miss every year is that today isn’t about going to a restaurant I haven’t been or working out like hell so I can afford to indulge. It is about appreciating what my kids have done for me; they keep me grounded, sane, and insane but most of all it made me think about what my mom went through for my sister and I.

I’m a strong individual and would hope my kids inherit that trait of mine. I don’t believe in giving up. I want to fight for things, more like work for it but the thing that makes me who I am are the challenges and constant obstacle course that seem to always come at me in one way or another. I usually make it out unscathed. Well, I have apparent battle scars but mentally and emotionally I am perfectly unscathed. For that I have my mom to thank. Some folks that face harsh challenges turn to a variety of antidepressants, get themselves on a self destruction sort of path and although my life isn’t all about smiles all the time, I am grateful each day for the things that I have.

Hey! I haven’t bitched about Santa Cruz!

My job is challenging now.

Improvise and make the most of it.

I’m trucking along. Winging it as I go. I turned 32 last Monday. I don’t know what it is but I had zero energy to do anything last week. I still have no energy now as we speak. Driving from Santa Cruz to San Jose all week was tough. I want to stay at home for one full day. When can I achieve this? W/ peace and quiet, that is. Probably when I die. Sad but quite true.

For now, I just hope for my health. I will get a physical soon. Never understood this quote: “health is wealth” but goddamn it, it is so true. I feel beaten and exhausted. I want to sleep for days and not jump in the car for days. Hell, I need to start buying lotto tickets. Ha.