So I decided to take a day off from the gym because I plan to take my plyometrics and body weight routines to our front yard. I have a tire that I had found last week and my intention is to do something w/ it today. By doing this means I had to turn off my alarm and go back to bed. Yet here I am wide awake and regretting that I made a foolish decision by not going to the gym. I have been up since 5:55AM. I simply cannot sleep in, it seems like.
This past week has been overwhelming. As I look at my Yelp profile, I see the countless compliments I have to approve and get back; the thought of it discouraged me. I felt that I am so far behind that there’s no turning back. I had emails to reply to and I had to reach out to some people because I haven’t had the time to do so. Work has been crazy and mentally exhausting enough to skip going to the bathroom. A big sigh of relief came over me when I walked out the door yesterday. There will be questions, requests, and escalations but I will worry about it tonight or tomorrow. That’s what I need. I need a mental vacation.
On top of work I have classes to study for. It is very tough doing anything after work but I’m a firm believer that hard work will eventually pay off. I’m on the right path to learn and grow. I’m grateful that my GM approved me to take our company’s available online resource “school”.
So the past week I have been counting macros. A concept that isn’t new to me but it had me pay attention to the nutritional value of the things I was eating. Before I was just looking at the calories, fat, and carbohydrates but I never tracked it. Still new and scared to hit my goal. Yesterday I was under but not by much. Staying active and being conscientious of my intake should start to shape my outer appearance. My inner state is nothing but confidence, oddly.
I love me.
I am new to macros counting but I am determined to give it a shot. This goal is very attainable. I seriously stated in the formula that I weighed more than I am. The truth is I don’t want to step on the scale.
While I have done hardly any cardio, I think I will do that this coming week so that I can give my body a shock. I cannot wait to use ankle weights for the stairs!!! I shall run one day, stairs one day, and maybe the elliptical another day to confuse my body. I am not looking forward to endless cardio but sometimes we realize that when things don’t work, it is clearly time to change.
Tomorrow is a new day.
I’m ready to train again tomorrow.
I have been given the opportunity to manage a project. The first on the list that is important to our GM. I am absolutely thrilled. Defining the scope and summarizing the objective wasn’t difficult but I was nervous that my project charter isn’t what my GM desired. He and I met so we edited the document just a tad so I walked out of that meeting unscathed. I cannot wait to present the charter to the stakeholders this coming Monday. My exposure to being a project assistant (VTM / Agistix migration) at my previous employer helped greatly. The issues tracking, the endless cross-functional meetings, and the training that the company invested in me is instilled inside me today. I am forever grateful.
Confidence is what I have now. It was just 3 weeks ago that I started to change how I eat. I became aware that I was doing everything wrong. Every single thing. I started to accept that I have a long way to go but I also acknowledged that I accomplished hella, too. I’m no model. I’m no body builder. I’m not single. I am a mother of 2. I’m a full-time corporate slave. I do the best I can to take advantage of every ounce of “free time” on me. I sacrifice sleep for it though but it is seriously worth it. I feel incredible. I still HATE my scars and I HATE the scar I have due to my cesarians but you know… I am alive, healthy, I have a job, and I have a great roof over my head and for that I need to stop bitching but I am human after all.
Still, I wish I had the body of a 22 year old that has never had kids. I think about that every time I am unhappy w/ what I see. Instead of complaining on and on, I will do something about it. All my chocolates (dark and milk) will be up for grabs. I understand I am obsessed but doing this will make me happy. I am firm on the no sweets and fried foods until the end of July. I love me more than I love sweets. Yes, I do. Another extreme but I like challenges.
Fall 2014 will be starting soon. I will need to meet w/ a counselor in the next week so I can submit my paperwork and to register for my class. I am well aware that my schedule is going to be ridiculously crazy but if I don’t work on bettering my life, who will? I have been given a chance… living in Santa Cruz isn’t ideal but it works now and I am going to juggle and be appreciative of what I have. I am no longer fearing to be at home and I find myself wanting to be at home now. It’s a great feeling.
July is the start of the rest of the year!
I have been on every diet known to man. I have worked out at home using a series of Beach Body programs (i.e. Insanity, P90X, Focus T25, and Asylum) not to mention my rigorous gym routines however, though I was smaller in numbers (weight), I was never strong and I was never truly confident. I remember doing hours of cardio on a daily basis. I’d get a kick every time I go over the 1,200 calorie burn. I never ate healthy, I was always on some “diet” and would break it constantly just because I used my cardio to balance my outrageous intake.
It was just a few months ago that I started to learn a thing or two about nutrition. The term “fat free”, “sugar free”, and “diet” seemed to slowly dissipate in my mind. All of these products use chemicals. What I do now is not just a “diet” but a lifestyle change. I’ve always thought that belief is stupid but now I understand that I was ignorant and clueless.
Heavy lifting has taken precedence over my workout regimen. I do cardio once or twice a week now. I focus more on lifting, core, and plyometrics. Soon I will work on my core, strength, and balance w/ TRX and from boxing. Yesterday was the longest time I was at the gym w/o doing any sort of cardio. My routine yesterday has resulted in a destroyed upper body but I must admit that I felt pretty bad ass.
Continuing this journey has made me realize that it is hard to stay on track w/ individuals that do not share the same interests as you. They’ll end up sabotaging your progress in some way or form. I am strong enough to simply walk away from a bakery now and strong enough to fade away from individuals that are toxic to me. Life is never a straight and clear path but w/ the right mindset, you can overcome obstacles and get there.
Thanks to my parents for the opportunity of a mini vacation, I got a chance to be where I want to be and see some folks I haven’t seen in ages including making new friends.
After a motivational conversation w/ my best friend, her husband, and a new friend, I have decided to start focusing on my life again. True, I cannot wake up early to workout but I will put every ounce in me once my evening has settled down. I’d like to thank my longtime friend whom I haven’t seen in over 2 years for that self encouragement as well.
This weekend was surely exhausting but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I am sad that it is coming to an end but now it is time to get back to reality.
Training Day #1
- breakfast: 2 hard boiled eggs, no yolk
- lunch: papaya salad
- dinner: protein drink
- 2 mile HIIT
- circuit training (1 min. each, 5 rounds)
I like me.
I love me.
I need to be first (hypothetically after my kids).
I just had to hide my box of cookies from Trader Joe’s. I caught Gavin rummaging through the cupboards and grabbed a hold of one chocolate chip cookie. I am proud of him because he will stop at nothing to get it. I hid it in the back, too.
Also at the bakery earlier for breakfast, he thoroughly enjoyed his spinach croissant; tearing it off piece by piece and then grazing on my baguette since I bought it. I covered it up, hopefully it won’t be too hard to turn it into a meal later but the little nips all came from him.
Things are great on the job front. I am now very challenged and though I get stressed out but I wouldn’t have it any other way. However, my workout routines have suffered heavily. It is work, my commute, personal life, and juggling things in between as a single parent - things are tough. I was feeling very crummy because I didn’t have an outlet to call my own plus my terrible eating habits didn’t help either but 2 people told me this: that I am a working mother, not a body builder. I will trip and fall and will experience success here and there but the bottom line is that I am a single parent so my needs and wants are secondary.
True. Time to stop being so hard on myself. What matters is that I have a promising job to hopefully grow so I can be able to support my kids. What I need to focus on is eating healthier and in moderation regardless of what it may be.