just do it!

31 | Single Mother | Gym Addict | Loves Food |

Steamed

I am exhaling fire.  I want to watch my team on opening day but no, Directtv decides to lose its signal 6 minutes prior to the first pitch.  This incident is the thing that broke the camel’s back because I found out today that if I want NBC added, it’d be an additional $75.  SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS whilst it is FREE on Comcast.  FREE!!!

Venting to calm down so I can work out in a bit.

I totally didn’t abide by my healthy lifestyle today but tomorrow I will.  I had tons of leftovers and wanted to eat those before it spoils.  Plus driving through traffic hell made me upset so I had some P&B M&M’s and Craig gave me a piece of chocolate, too but I seriously needed it.  I am lucky there was no real winter but I can’t imagine when it does rain for days/weeks.  Am I just going to stay in San Jose until traffic dissipates or do I drive off a cliff?  The 2 lane ordeal is not working out for me. 

My energy level has changed dramatically.  I used to wake up at 3:15AM to go to the gym.  Back in San Jose, I didn’t have to worry about my commute or my regular visits to the gas station.  Life was simple.  Now I have a hard time waking up before 5AM.  Being a single parent w/ a long ass commute sure take its toll on you.  I still love going out to do things but I find myself taking naps on Saturdays if and when I’m at home.  How sad.  

My birthday is coming up and I find myself excited for it for many reasons and it’s the same every year: hockey, baseball, fitness goal, and desserts galore. A few of my friends have asked what I plan to do and I can be honest and say that I won’t know until the playoffs have started.  My birthday falls on a Monday which is a regular working day.  I should plan to take a mental day off and go to the CA Academy of Sciences; despite it being a cool ass museum but I need to go w/o any children because I actually want to read and fucking learn.  

I always miss my kids when I do things alone which is a rarity (rarity that I do things alone).  My kids are so used to being out and about that it really is easy to manage them so they hardly stress me out.  Tess is the opposite of me but Gavin is exactly like me.  On Saturday when I took him to the fitness center at Domain Hotel, he didn’t bother me one bit and actually observed quietly then tried to copy me.  I love my kids.

After every storm, there is some light.  Somewhere.  It’s been almost an hour since I wanted to kick the television screen.  It is now time to get started on some core and weights.  it’s back and shoulders day.  I was told not to do cardio when sick so I might not do Insanity but knowing my stubborn self, I will surely try.

Eating Healthier + Gym = No Results

Well, that’s not entirely true because even though I do not appear slimmer but I have gotten a lot stronger.  It was back in 2010 when I bought my copy of P90X; I wasn’t able to do a push-up.  I could only do the girly kinds (on the knees).  Disc #2 Plyometrics was the death of me and now, I still fear it but I can finish the sets and repetitions w/o having to stop as much.  Yes, I still do stop. 

Now I can do push-ups, decline push-ups, incline push-ups, tap push-ups, push-up jacks, moving push-ups, and spider lunge push-ups w/o wanting to collapse.  I have learned and read a lot of fitness advices and articles to be able to turn anything into a workout.  I create my own circuit stations and I hate to admit it but I love the stares and the stunned glances that I’d get after my circuit session.  “Your workouts will kill me”, “That’s a workout I have never seen” and my personal favorite, “You’re the only girl here that sweats for it”.  That’s not true because there are so many women at the gym that are incredibly fit but I guess I’m the only one at the time that puts massive stress and strain on the body and heart in order to get the maximum outcome. 

I have been on a million diets.  I have taken a number of diet pills.  I even had B12 / Lipotropic injections but I can’t say that neither of them didn’t work but the one that worked, resulting in me feeling great (regardless of the numbers on the scale), it is due to clean eating.  Cut out the diet sodas.  That one was difficult for me but I somehow quit cold turkey and made it out alive - thus far.  It sure saves me $2-$4 on my guest check every time I eat out at least.  But yes, I have been eating relatively healthy for almost 3 weeks: no refined sugar, no simple carbs, and everything else in between (i.e. portion control, complex carbs, vegetables, lean proteins, etc.) but I have yet to see the girl I want to see in the reflection.  It sucks, yo…

Not sure what I am doing wrong but I will not give up.  I will continue to observe my consumption and adjust as needed.  The only thing that I am doing different is that I don’t do cardio everyday.  Instead, I do HIIT and plyometrics and a lot of body workouts, too.  That would explain my strength building but I’m not lean by any means.

The quest continues.

Never give up.

What a great game. I still get mesmerized watching the replay of this game. Same w/ the game against the Penguins. I love my Sharks. 

*********

Aside from another weekend, another week of work is here. I am mentally tired. I have a lot on my mind and I feel that I am stuck; my commute is long therefore the wear and tear on my car is taking its toll (oil change occurs faster than before and tires will wear out faster than before, etc.), I can’t seem to be putting anything into my savings. What will happen if I run into a snag? Who will help me? I don’t have a safety net and that worries me to no end. 

I hate rushing, too. After work, rushing to get the kids and rushing to get back home then spend 2 hours in the kitchen whilst juggling baths and dishes makes me feel exhausted, not just sleepy the next day. Imagine doing it 5 days a week. 

I’m ending my gym membership once my benefits kick in and while that isn’t an issue, I am being pushed into a corner w/ nothing to call my own. From eating out 5-7x a week, it’s down to just 2 now. I look around and cannot find another outlet I can minimize. I bought a pair of Nike’s from the youth section. Youth! It hurts a bit when I run longer than 4 miles. It’s simply because youth shoes aren’t manufactured for running, for training, and I can’t do anything as of yet because I refuse to use my credit card or savings on myself. My savings are for the kids and my credit cards are for emergencies. 

My tires have low air pressure. I suspect a leak so I will take a trip to the gas station after work to get it patched. I want the interior and the trunk of my car cleaned. When I first bought this car, I washed it every week. Now that spending $20 on something unaccounted for is a huge deal, I keep pushing back. I hate jumping into the car now. I should have enough groceries to get me through next week so I will put money into getting my car cleaned. Ah, that reminds me, I need to get milk and Pull-Ups for Gavin. 

The expenses never end. 

I can’t wait to workout later. Back to no carbs except for quinoa and no refined sugars. I did break it yesterday w/ the chocolate brioche from Manresa Bread Project but it is so worth it. 

Ok. Venting is done. Moving on.

What a great game. I still get mesmerized watching the replay of this game. Same w/ the game against the Penguins. I love my Sharks.

*********

Aside from another weekend, another week of work is here. I am mentally tired. I have a lot on my mind and I feel that I am stuck; my commute is long therefore the wear and tear on my car is taking its toll (oil change occurs faster than before and tires will wear out faster than before, etc.), I can’t seem to be putting anything into my savings. What will happen if I run into a snag? Who will help me? I don’t have a safety net and that worries me to no end.

I hate rushing, too. After work, rushing to get the kids and rushing to get back home then spend 2 hours in the kitchen whilst juggling baths and dishes makes me feel exhausted, not just sleepy the next day. Imagine doing it 5 days a week.

I’m ending my gym membership once my benefits kick in and while that isn’t an issue, I am being pushed into a corner w/ nothing to call my own. From eating out 5-7x a week, it’s down to just 2 now. I look around and cannot find another outlet I can minimize. I bought a pair of Nike’s from the youth section. Youth! It hurts a bit when I run longer than 4 miles. It’s simply because youth shoes aren’t manufactured for running, for training, and I can’t do anything as of yet because I refuse to use my credit card or savings on myself. My savings are for the kids and my credit cards are for emergencies.

My tires have low air pressure. I suspect a leak so I will take a trip to the gas station after work to get it patched. I want the interior and the trunk of my car cleaned. When I first bought this car, I washed it every week. Now that spending $20 on something unaccounted for is a huge deal, I keep pushing back. I hate jumping into the car now. I should have enough groceries to get me through next week so I will put money into getting my car cleaned. Ah, that reminds me, I need to get milk and Pull-Ups for Gavin.

The expenses never end.

I can’t wait to workout later. Back to no carbs except for quinoa and no refined sugars. I did break it yesterday w/ the chocolate brioche from Manresa Bread Project but it is so worth it.

Ok. Venting is done. Moving on.

Your Kids - You Mold Them

A smile formed when I saw this picture on www.crossfit.com because when your kids partake in things that you thoroughly enjoy, it makes it 10x better. Now w/ Tess I am trying to get her to like the idea of working out but Gavin is exactly like me. We both enjoy being out and always on the go. He has a lot of upper body strength that makes me envious. I look at him in awe sometimes whenever he’d climb on the counter and/or dresser. I like/need/want my kids to be strong and independent. 

Work is going great. I will be back to being super crazy again which is what I want. I like the idea of being able to hop into any part of the site and work. Starting my CAPM courses is exciting. It will be a long journey but I cannot wait until I can be part of the management group. Being a project or program manager is something I was striving for before I worked here. Extreme Networks invested in me - allowed me to study and meet w/ other project managers to go over materials during my work hours. It is great when your employer provides you w/ trust that you can and will accomplish things. Nowhere will I find a group of managers that are not just great to work for but funny and caring as well. I always want to give my 110% every time I work no matter the task. I will get there. I want it. I fucking want it.

Jumping topics. That is normal! 

This co-parenting thing is difficult. I just learn to keep my mouth shut and while I somewhat believe that silence is golden but what the fuck… some of the things I witnessed should be addressed w/ a sincere question followed up by rolled eyes. I seriously don’t get it and I don’t think I ever will. Aaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!! I love my weekends but fear Sundays. I am seriously fearful of Sundays. Sigh. 

The Olympics are finally over. For hockey. I cannot wait to watch a real game. I cannot wait to watch Torres back on the ice. Same for Couture, Nieto, and Kennedy. I wonder if Boyle got enough rest to recover. He’s a great defenseman but I was getting so frustrated w/ how he was playing. “You’re on skates… skate!!!” I find my evenings so lonely w/o hockey. Baseball is starting so I will be hooked on my phone even more so. I have continued my subscription to AtBat and will listen to every game. I cannot wait to frequent AT&T Park again. I miss San Jose…. :( 

Dreadful Sunday. I am ready for Monday. I called my gym and got word that I can use the ropes but unfortunately they do not have the tires for me to flip. I miss San Jose. My Super Sport gym has them and more however, working out during my lunch isn’t particularly ideal. I hate rushing. I hate doing a partial workout. HATE. 

My routine this week:
- Mon: full body plyo / HIIT / abs
- Tues: HIIT / upper body / ropes
- Wed: intervals / legs / glutes / abs
- Thurs: 6 mile run / full body plyo
- Fri: HIIT / upper body / abs
- Sat: full body plyo / legs / glutes
- Sun: swim / steam room / abs 

I’m fucking ready to tackle on myself.

Your Kids - You Mold Them

A smile formed when I saw this picture on www.crossfit.com because when your kids partake in things that you thoroughly enjoy, it makes it 10x better. Now w/ Tess I am trying to get her to like the idea of working out but Gavin is exactly like me. We both enjoy being out and always on the go. He has a lot of upper body strength that makes me envious. I look at him in awe sometimes whenever he’d climb on the counter and/or dresser. I like/need/want my kids to be strong and independent.

Work is going great. I will be back to being super crazy again which is what I want. I like the idea of being able to hop into any part of the site and work. Starting my CAPM courses is exciting. It will be a long journey but I cannot wait until I can be part of the management group. Being a project or program manager is something I was striving for before I worked here. Extreme Networks invested in me - allowed me to study and meet w/ other project managers to go over materials during my work hours. It is great when your employer provides you w/ trust that you can and will accomplish things. Nowhere will I find a group of managers that are not just great to work for but funny and caring as well. I always want to give my 110% every time I work no matter the task. I will get there. I want it. I fucking want it.

Jumping topics. That is normal!

This co-parenting thing is difficult. I just learn to keep my mouth shut and while I somewhat believe that silence is golden but what the fuck… some of the things I witnessed should be addressed w/ a sincere question followed up by rolled eyes. I seriously don’t get it and I don’t think I ever will. Aaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!! I love my weekends but fear Sundays. I am seriously fearful of Sundays. Sigh.

The Olympics are finally over. For hockey. I cannot wait to watch a real game. I cannot wait to watch Torres back on the ice. Same for Couture, Nieto, and Kennedy. I wonder if Boyle got enough rest to recover. He’s a great defenseman but I was getting so frustrated w/ how he was playing. “You’re on skates… skate!!!” I find my evenings so lonely w/o hockey. Baseball is starting so I will be hooked on my phone even more so. I have continued my subscription to AtBat and will listen to every game. I cannot wait to frequent AT&T Park again. I miss San Jose…. :(

Dreadful Sunday. I am ready for Monday. I called my gym and got word that I can use the ropes but unfortunately they do not have the tires for me to flip. I miss San Jose. My Super Sport gym has them and more however, working out during my lunch isn’t particularly ideal. I hate rushing. I hate doing a partial workout. HATE.

My routine this week:
- Mon: full body plyo / HIIT / abs
- Tues: HIIT / upper body / ropes
- Wed: intervals / legs / glutes / abs
- Thurs: 6 mile run / full body plyo
- Fri: HIIT / upper body / abs
- Sat: full body plyo / legs / glutes
- Sun: swim / steam room / abs

I’m fucking ready to tackle on myself.

Team No Days Off

I am going crazy on my day off. My left knee started to act up after my set of squats w/ a medicine ball. I did legs and glutes yesterday, perhaps I overdid it? Can’t be! It is important to rest and perfectly ok to experience these rest remorse feelings but you know what, resting is vital for muscles to repair and grow. I’m not taking any supplements currently but I will eventually purchase BCAA and C4 to assist me and my fitness endeavors.

This past week went by in slow motion. I ate relatively healthy and kept my caloric intake at a great/reduced amount however, my progress dissipated once Valentine’s Day came around. I have read enough on social media sites to believe that one weekend full of fucked up choices do not make up for what I will achieve for myself. Tomorrow is the start of the new week; no parties, no holidays, and nothing to “celebrate” for so I should be safe [haha]. It’s me. I’m still weak.

Tomorrow’s routine:

- 2 minute sprints
- air squats
- step-ups w/ knee raises
- power cleans
- deadlifts
- decline push-ups
- moving push-ups
- standard push-ups
- box jumps then burpees
- in an out abs w/ row machine
- frog leaps into burpees
- long arm crunches w/ dumbbell
- row
- dips
x5 

I’m ready for this weekend to be over.

Desires

Desires = Goals

Goals = Change

Success = Sustaining that Change

Sustained Changes = Goals Met

I’m on it.

Help Needed. I have stuck by my workouts. I have regained that energy to go to the gym at 3:30AM daily and working out during my lunch when time permits but I seem to screw it all up at dinner time. I eat fairly healthy during my day at work but whatever it is, “all bets are off” seem to occur right when I get home. I don’t know how to kick this unhealthy tendencies of mine; frustrating as hell.

I workout different muscle groups each day and I mix it up when it comes to cardiovascular activities so I know I am keeping my body guessing which is always a pleasant thing when soreness sinks in. It feels great. I love that feeling. Now I have some financial ability to go grocery shopping properly so I will stop at Trader Joe’s and/or Whole Foods this week to get all 5 breakfasts, 5 lunches, and 5 dinners prepped for the workweek next week.

Ugh.

Rest Day

I have never taken a rest day to recover my body even though I know the benefits go towards my muscles, joints, and overall mindset.  I often feel guilty for taking a day off even though I am aware that my muscles repair, rebuild, and strengthen during time off from working out.  

W/ everything, it is all about balance and moderation.  I say that but it is really difficult for me to abide by the unwritten rules to a healthy lifestyle.  This journey of mine isn’t about losing weight but it is about transforming my body in ways that I never thought I could.  I want to look in the mirror and be happy about myself.  I want for everyone to look at me and foresee the hard work that I do in order to get to where I am at.  I know it will be a slow progress but I have set realistic goals that will help me stay on track until the day I do.  Of course after the goal is met is where the challenge lies: maintaining!  

I was never able to do a push-up but now I can.  I was never able to run due to the reduced capacity from my lungs but now I can.  I never stepped outside the box and stuck to what I know but now I find myself being lured to stations and machines that I’ve never seen before.  

  • training plan, check
  • fitness goals, check
  • meal prepping, check
  • water bottle, check
  • positive attitude, check

I used to do hours of cardiovascular activities sometimes burning over 1,000 calories but that only left me w/ the satisfaction that I have lost water weight but now w/ HIIT, intervals, and plyometrics I have finally felt that I have met a challenge that I am ready to take - me.  Not only that, I am focused on weight lifting more which gives me the most powerful feeling ever; that feeling, no one can ever provide but myself.  

Like my brand of running shoes, Nike… “Let’s do it!”

I love spending time w/ just my kids. I used to love every chance I get when I don’t have them but that feeling never came to surface in close to a year. It took a lot of frustrations and “I feel like I want to jump off a cliff” moments but they’re great kids; Gavin sits still at SAP Center, he sits still when we go to Stanley’s or San Pedro Square Market, hell Tess asks to go to the game just about every week and reads Shark Byte on her downtime. Born to be Sharks fans, it’s what it is.

Tess is well aware of her surroundings and adapts accordingly and always polite and too soft spoken. Gavin is stubborn and doesn’t give up like me. That kid can scale walls, open child safety gates, and doorknobs. They both have certain Tram traits - I’m happy for that. One thing I will try and change Tess is the love to wake up early.

I haven’t gone out and about yet but I hope next Saturday I will get Tess excited for it because there’s so much to see and do in Santa Cruz. The following Saturday, I know it’s on because it’ll be just Gavin and I. Though a brief adventure but I loved it when I went to Gayle’s earlier w/ him. Unless due to lack of sleep which is usually what I suffer from but regardless, I am always pumped and ready for the day. Gavin is exactly the same way. I smell another early bakery visit next Saturday! And the Saturday after that!

All of our meals together thus far. I don’t have a favorite because each meal came w/ different situations therefore formed new memories. I have never had anyone get up early to run out to get coffee and pastries for me, for us rather. I’m all smiles.

Lots of challenges that I am facing but knowing he is in my corner to listen to me, to call and/or FaceTime me, to text me is soothing to say the least. I honestly don’t know how things will unravel but I do know that I will be safe and the kids will be safe. Why do I feel this way? It’s because he genuinely cares and I do feel it big time. I may not have a solution now but I am optimistic that things will be ok. I have a job and two healthy kids - I am quite blessed as it is.

Things in general are going smoothly and I don’t have a single complaint, per se. Whatever life throws at me, I try to turn it around and see it as an opportunity to learn, to improvise, to grow, and to conquer it. Life is great!